The Lord Talking to Moses:
10 So now, go. I am sending you to Pharaoh to bring my people the Israelites out of Egypt.”
11 But Moses said to God, “Who am I that I should go to Pharaoh and bring the Israelites out of Egypt?”
12 And God said, “I will be with you. And this will be the sign to you that it is I who have sent you: When you have brought the people out of Egypt, you will worship God on this mountain.”
13 Moses said to God, “Suppose I go to the Israelites and say to them, ‘The God of your fathers has sent me to you,’ and they ask me, ‘What is his name?’ Then what shall I tell them?”
14 God said to Moses, “I AM WHO I AM. This is what you are to say to the Israelites: ‘I AM has sent me to you.’”
15 God also said to Moses, “Say to the Israelites, ‘The LORD, the God of your fathers—the God of Abraham, the God of Isaac and the God of Jacob—has sent me to you.’
“This is my name forever,
the name you shall call me
from generation to generation
For many years I wanted to be a leader. I even stepped up to projects, and asserted my self on the sole basis of wanting to be viewed as a leader. If you must know the truth, I had no clue what being a leader meant and I often would fake it to appease a very broken ego. I wanted to be in the lead and it didn’t matter where or how I got there. If you read my Storm Story about my self confidence you will understand why I covered up and pulled out this mask of leadership.
And then I think about Moses, he didn’t want to be a leader either. He had been on top and lost it all; oh wait I have been there also when my job drastically changed.
Now Phil 4:13 plays out in a completely different way for me. I can do all things through a God who gives me strength. All things, like bury an ego so bruised that I allow God to provide the support, and work for Him and him alone.
Fast forward to now. Not a day goes by now that I don’t wrestle with the question: God why are you putting this work in front of me when you know I don’t want to be a leader? I don’t want to be in front, on top or in charge, because I want to be sure what I am doing is for your glory and not my need to cover up my flawed ego, inability and lack of confidence.
So God: I DON”T WANT TO BE A LEADER. I don’t. But that is what I… Father God I will follow you.
darla
/ December 30, 2010i been standing at a wall doing the same thing, altho not a leader, but the call he calls me too still doesn’t come out my mouth. So many will not understand, and still shy of friendly fire.
I am afraid that as a God fearing, Christ following community we left God out of the box, to just put him in a bigger box. He is not containable.
I know as i go through this time, HE is changing me, and I am not sure if even i will recognize me when he is finished…
I love your raw honesty in this post. Please keep doing it, some of us need it more than you know. Peace and Love Bro
ckroboth
/ December 30, 2010You know Darla it has been a crazy Journey, as much as I hang on Romans 12:1-2, there is a simple verse in Jeremiah that makes all the more since now that I look back on what God has brought me through…
darla
/ December 30, 2010Jeremiah is where i am at